Issued by the Saskatchewan Tourism Bureau 

  To all visiting citizens of the U.S., other provinces, territories and holdings. 
  In order for your visit to our province to be pleasant, safe and
  uneventful (yes, we like it that way)  please read and adhere to the
  following guidelines:

  1) Don't order filet mignon or pasta primavera at a small town cafe.
  It's a diner. They serve breakfast 24 hours a day. Let them cook
  something they know. If you upset the ladies in the kitchen they'll
  kick your ass.

  2) Don't laugh at the names of our little towns (Climax, Love, Prince
  Albert or Pilot Butte)  or we will just HAVE to kick your ass.

  3) Don't order a bottle or a can of soda. Up here it's called Pop.
  Accept it.  Doing otherwise can lead to an ass kicking.

  4) We know our heritage, are literate, educated and generally a lot
  nicer. Don't refer to us as a bunch of hicks or we'll kick your ass.

  5) Don't laugh at the Moose Jaw Moose. Anything that inspires
  tourists  to buy 50,000 postcards can't be bad. When you're in Moose Jaw 
  don't point at the huge genitalia on the giant moose or we'll kick your ass.

  6) We are fully aware of how cold it gets here in the winter, so shut
  the hell up. Just spend your money and get the hell out of here or
  we'll kick your ass.

  7) Don't order the vegetarian special at the local diner. Everyone
  will instantly know that you're a tourist. Eat your steak well-done like
  God intended and have some potatoes with that, for cripe's sake!  Also,
  don't ask what a prairie oyster is or we'll kick your ass.

  8) Don't try to fake a Saskatchewan accent. We don't have an accent.
  Do NOT mention Grant Devine, Bryan Mulroney or Jean Chretien as that
  will incite a riot and you will get your ass kicked by a mob.

  9) Don't talk about how much better things are at home because we
  know better. Many of us have visited big-city hell-holes like Detroit,
  Toronto, and LA, and we have the scars to prove it. If you don't
  like it here, Air Canada flies out of the province twice a day. Move
  your ass on home before it gets kicked.

  10) Yes, we know that ice fishing is "not your thing."  We don't
  care. If you don't understand the beauty of being out on a lake when
  it's -15 degrees then you should go home and try fishing in New York
  Harbor.  Also, don't hog the heater in the fish house or we'll kick
  your ass.

  11) Don't complain that most of Saskatchewan is flat and that there
  aren't enough trees.  If you whine about OUR scenic beauty we'll
  kick your ass all the way back to gorgeous Cleveland.

  12) Don't ridicule our mannerisms. We only speak when spoken to. We
  hold doors open for others. We offer our seats to old folks because
  such things are expected of civilized people. Behave yourselves
  around our sweet, little grey-haired grandmothers or they will kick
  some manners into your ass just like they did ours.

  13) So you think we're quaint or losers because most of us live on
  the prairie?  That's because we have enough sense to not live in
  filthy, smelly,crime-infested cesspools like New York or LA.  Make
  fun of our fresh air and we'll kick your ass.

  14) Last, but not least, DO NOT DARE to come out here and tell us how
  the prairie should "go back to the buffalo."  This will get your ass
  shot (right after it is kicked) .